I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I just want nice things and good sex
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
