Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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