the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
ugly people sure do ruin things
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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