guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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