I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
