I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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