Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
