Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
