new low.... made out with someone while peeing
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
