Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
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