so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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