I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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