the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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