I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
