Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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