ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
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