In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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