and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
my shit smells like andre
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Randomize
