what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
