I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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