It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
