party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Randomize
