porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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