i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
