In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
