I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
