Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
