it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
