He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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