Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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