There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
only you would photoshop your dick
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
If its not for food we ain't going out.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
