At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
