What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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