he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
