Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize