every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I don't think brook has ever known best
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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