don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
