erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
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