I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
