Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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