Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
