it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
