4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Randomize
