I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
