remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
