that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
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