no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
