I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Randomize
