Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
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