Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize