Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize