It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
