just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
