he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
