i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
