this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
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