Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Randomize
