READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
