Little spoons don't ask big questions
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
