eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
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