He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Welp...herpes.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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