dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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