I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
