there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I yelled at your uterus for you.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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