we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
