I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
