I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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