Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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