In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
